Setback

     I never have enough time or money to bring the farm back to it's showplace beauty that it was when my parents were alive.  I had hoped to rent it out for farm weddings, but when I started to work on that plan, I discovered there are no wedding planners in my part of Ohio.  This is a very rural area. People here generally get married in their church and have the reception in the church social hall.  Some have their weddings on their own farms.  

     I had thought about farm vacations, but the house needs more repair.  I don't think people around her want to vacation on a farm.  I have come to realize my plans were unrealistic.  This year I can't afford to spend time on the farm except in July.  I don't want to miss my family reunion.  I've also come to realize that it would be a waste of money to fix up the farm.  When I have to sell it, no one will want to pay big money on a farm house.

     It's been hard to accept the end of this dream.  In life, I've been able to achieve most of my dreams which makes this even more difficult to accept.  My children don't want to live on the farm.  I guess I will go when I can and live in it as it is now.  I won't sell it if I don't have to sell.  I love the farm.  It's the home in my heart.  My self identity is tied to the farm.  As the say, I just need a hug and five million dollars.